Believe[i]

 

i was once caught in a lie,

strangled between your poisonous claws.

i bent shamelessly to your will,

and you left me with no antidote.

i was trapped,

i was smothered,

i was neck-deep

in this falsity which once was my sanctuary.

the more i yearned to leave, 

the brighter my dreams ignited,

smoldering and scalding,

before collapsing into pitiful embers.

my heart pled for an intervention,

but it was only left with hope.

oh how i smiled sardonically,

when i saw how naïve i was

to envisage that hope was the solution.

hope is futile,

hope is obsolete.

indeed, it took me an eternity to understand that

to be liberated of this purgatory,

your sins,

i had to sever.

your atrocities,

i had to abolish.

i fabricated truths, 

so i could breathe.

i uttered lies,

so you didn’t see.

hope never could have salvaged the pieces of my ruin,

only i could.

and with that epiphany,

i took myself

out of this hell in which until then i had lived.

i pushed against burning walls

and faced every demon of mine

in order to be free at last.

as i had so painfully learned, 

hope is akin to fallaciousness.

it is i, who saved myself in the end.

to be me again,

i had to believe.


[i]

Believe.

The word just rolls off your tongue, doesn’t it?

Despite only consisting of two syllables,

it seems to be the hardest thing to ever do.

Believing involves letting go of all your inhibitions.

Believing involves putting yourself before others.

Most importantly, believing involves loving yourself.

Every time you experience something that tests your ability to believe,

know that:

because one believes in oneself, 

one doesn’t need to receive the validity of someone else.

You are valid, the way you are.